Plucky Letters to US soldiers in Iraq

August 14, 2003

Dear Rob & Buddies,

I took Dylan to the dreaded Wal-Mart today for Back-To-School supplies.
We took our 5th grade list in hand and bravely entered the Back-To-School area of that massive and misarranged store. I was distressed to find the aisles crowded with many other Wal-Mart shoppers. Most of them appeared to be 37 year-old grandparents of loudly misbehaving children sporting uncombed hair and days-old Kool Aid mustaches. I’ve never seen such a ubiquitous need of dental work in my life. (The kids could benefit from some serious brushing and flossing, too.)

The good news is that Dylan is a real Wal-Mart trooper. I really appreciate his ability to adopt my Wal-Mart combat attitude with solidarity and enthusiasm.
I say, “MY GOD, this place is an absolute TRAVESTY!”
Dylan says, “Yeah! And it’s hard to shop here!”
I say, “What is WRONG with them that they can’t just put all the needed supplies in pre-packaged kits based on the school supply lists and make it easy for the customers to shop here, thus increasing customer satisfaction and ensuring next year’s sales growth?”
Dylan says, “Yeah! And it’s hard to shop here!”
I say, “Oh, hell, we have to get out of here as soon as possible because many of our fellow shoppers probably have contagious parasitic diseases we ought not fool around with.”
Dylan says, “Yeah! And it’s hard to shop here!”

I couldn’t agree with him more. Our Dylan is one savvy Wal-Mart customer.

Much Love,
--Mom