Plucky Letters to US soldiers in Iraq

Here's a real oldie from Rob's training days at Ft. Sam Houston:

11/9/99

Dear Robby,

How’s the weather in San Antonio? It’s gorgeous here- 73 degrees today. Very unusual. How are the classes going? What are you learning?

Everyone here is just fine. Dylan can’t adjust to the change from daylight savings time to standard time. Every evening he asks what time it really is, and if it’s evening or night. When I pick him up at 6:00pm he says, “Why are you so late again!”
He just can’t comprehend that it’s the usual time.

Personally, I find the time change depressing. We went to Bergner’s last night at about 7pm and it seemed like going out at midnight.

You’ll be happy to know I finally bought some new clothes. It was no easy task, let me tell you! Ever tried to buy pants in Better Sportswear? HA! Those designers are a crafty, sneaky, low-down bamboozling bunch of smarmy liars.

They lie about the sizes. I bought two pairs of pants; supposedly size 6. Went home and put them on and they about fell off. I had to take them back and get size 4. Now, I’m no Fatty Farmer, but let’s get real. WHO THE HELL WEARS SIZE 4??? Calista Flockhart? Small children starving in Outer Mongolia? It’s a vast waistband conspiracy. A normal-sized woman buying clothing at JC Penney will be a size 8. In "Better Sportswear" the same woman is size 4. Nobody knows why this is true, but it is and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

What are your plans for Thanksgiving? Please write or call and let me know how you are and what you’re doing. Else I may be forced to exercise my parental whining rights and call Sgt. Saxton. You have one week from this warning to make contact or else.

Did you hear Decatur, IL is making national news this week? They expelled 7 losers from Eisenhower High for mob action and fighting at a football game. Now the Rev. Jesse Jackson is there, inciting people to riot. They’ve had to keep all three high schools closed the past two days. It’s been on Good Morning America,
The Today Show, CNN etc.

I think it’s hilarious. Jesse Jackson says it’s a crime to deprive these poor kids of an education. He forgets to mention that 3 of them have been in ninth grade since 1996, all of them have missed in excess of 20 days of school so far this year, and all of them are Gangster Disciples. The most comedic part of the whole story is that only one parent showed up at the school board hearing when these fubars were kicked out of school.
Now suddenly, when Jesse Jackson shows up to lead them to glory, these losers are “devoted, caring parents of troubled teens.” It’s getting pretty deep, Jesse, time to bring out the hip-waders.

Hope all is well with you in the Lone Star State! We miss you! Write or call ASAP!

Much Love,

--Mom