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My wildly entertaining letters to my son and other American Soldiers suffering in Iraq and elsewhere...posted in no particular chronological order.
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
April 21, 2003
Dear Charlie & Buddies,
On Friday night another carpenter came over to look at our basement. This one's name is, get this, Hoagie. (don't ask me, I don't know his mother!) I was not allowed to participate this time. Rudy doesn't trust me to behave myself due to my overly-enthusiastic performance when Carpenter Josh was here. Tonight, I was confined to the bedroom.
I'm like the family dog, shut up in the bedroom when company comes over because I might do something embarrassing. Like maybe smell Hoagie's crotch or hump his leg in my "carpenter's best friend" routine.
Rudy said Hoagie was in a big hurry. Just took measurements, asked a few basic questions, and made a run for it. Rudy claims it was because he probably heard through the carpentry grapevine that I might be on the premises, threatening to bounce out and do a few "I LOVE TECHNOLOGY!" cartwheels.
That's utter poppycock. Even if Josh blabbed about me down at the union hall, that wouldn't be enough to scare a guy brave enough to introduce himself as "Hoagie." Not to mention that I outbid my own husband on the price of our new staircase! Any profit-minded carpenter would love to have me as a customer.
Anyway, I peeked at this Hoagie character from the bedroom window when he was leaving. He had on a leather coat with cowboy boots, and his mullet was combed to perfection.
(His hair is like a Mafia-owned contractors office:
all business out front- party in the back.)
I figure since it was a Friday night, Hoagie probably just had Budweiser & country music on his mind.
Much Love,
--An Army Mom
Dear Charlie & Buddies,
On Friday night another carpenter came over to look at our basement. This one's name is, get this, Hoagie. (don't ask me, I don't know his mother!) I was not allowed to participate this time. Rudy doesn't trust me to behave myself due to my overly-enthusiastic performance when Carpenter Josh was here. Tonight, I was confined to the bedroom.
I'm like the family dog, shut up in the bedroom when company comes over because I might do something embarrassing. Like maybe smell Hoagie's crotch or hump his leg in my "carpenter's best friend" routine.
Rudy said Hoagie was in a big hurry. Just took measurements, asked a few basic questions, and made a run for it. Rudy claims it was because he probably heard through the carpentry grapevine that I might be on the premises, threatening to bounce out and do a few "I LOVE TECHNOLOGY!" cartwheels.
That's utter poppycock. Even if Josh blabbed about me down at the union hall, that wouldn't be enough to scare a guy brave enough to introduce himself as "Hoagie." Not to mention that I outbid my own husband on the price of our new staircase! Any profit-minded carpenter would love to have me as a customer.
Anyway, I peeked at this Hoagie character from the bedroom window when he was leaving. He had on a leather coat with cowboy boots, and his mullet was combed to perfection.
(His hair is like a Mafia-owned contractors office:
all business out front- party in the back.)
I figure since it was a Friday night, Hoagie probably just had Budweiser & country music on his mind.
Much Love,
--An Army Mom
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