tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57775612011-04-21T13:30:39.870-05:00Plucky Letters to US soldiers in IraqMy wildly entertaining letters to my son and other American Soldiers suffering in Iraq and elsewhere...posted in no particular chronological order.Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.comBlogger811100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-19976418323630495552007-06-26T22:17:00.000-05:002007-06-26T22:45:52.338-05:00Tuesday, March 13, 2007Dear Army Guys,I trust you are all healthy, well-rested, wearing clean socks, and eating a nutritionally balanced diet. You know what they say: YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. (And, whoever “they” are, they’re probably right.) You don’t need to be fanatical about it, though. As long as you eat a wide array of foods in various colors and shapes you should be fine. You don’t need to Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1149304385943565992006-06-02T22:11:00.000-05:002007-03-14T20:31:12.111-05:00Monday, March 20, 2006Dear Army Guys,This past weekend marked the 3rd anniversary of the auspicious launch of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Earlier in the week I noticed a letter to the editor published in the Bloomington Pantagraph beseeching the citizenry of our twin cities to join together in protest at a rally to be held Saturday in the city square. I couldn’t help but wonder what one might Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1148525260108891222006-05-24T21:44:00.000-05:002006-05-24T21:49:31.230-05:00December 22, 2005Dear Army Guys,Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukkah!(and Joyous Kwanza, Happy Yule, Joyful Mithra, Pleasant Solstice, Glad Boxing Day, Jolly Winter, and Thrilling Secular Gift-Giving Season!) Whatever holiday you care to celebrate at this time of year is fine by me. I am always an equal-opportunity well-wisher.It is the holiday season here at home and I’m sure you are all homesickArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1147228603733953142006-05-09T21:35:00.000-05:002007-03-14T20:37:56.001-05:00March 3, 2006Dear Army Guys,Wow, I just read a very disturbing account of a disease I have not yet contracted, but might come down with any minute now. It’s called “Alien Hand Syndrome.” It manifests with a profound sensation that one or the other of a person’s hands is no longer under his or her control and, instead, seems to be operating independently of the sufferer’s will.The offending hand Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1142997818447380132006-03-21T21:20:00.000-06:002006-03-21T21:23:38.463-06:00Presidents’ Day, 2006Dear Army Guys,Happy Presidents’ Day! I’m sure you guys are overwhelmed with parties and galas to attend in honor of the birth of dead presidents. Well, okay, maybe you’re not exactly overwhelmed. I myself have not been invited to a single Presidents’ Day soiree this year. I didn’t even get the day off work. What is the point of working at a school if you don’t get days Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1140930510219760482006-02-25T23:05:00.000-06:002006-02-25T23:08:30.233-06:00Saturday, February 4, 2006Dear Army Guys,I apologize in advance if this ends up being somewhat less than inspiring, but I am a little distracted by the very real possibility that I might run out of cigarettes before I’m tired enough to go to bed. That would be a small catastrophe. I’ve already taken a bath and put on my comfy pajamas and so I don’t really want to go through all the getting Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1140929993689535222006-02-25T22:58:00.000-06:002006-02-25T22:59:53.700-06:00February 13, 2006Dear Army Guys,I pray you are healthy and well and engaged in all manner of wholesome activities and vigilant security measures. Be sure to eat right, wear clean socks, wash your hands frequently, and get plenty of sleep. Never underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep. I hope a full night of rest is yours for the taking, but my experience with the iron-fisted tactics of Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1134963469506060432005-12-18T21:31:00.000-06:002005-12-18T21:37:49.523-06:00Thursday, September 29, 2005Dear Army Guys,I am now a religious fanatic. Actually, I am more like a fake religious fanatic. I’m a fraud, an imposter, a poseur. But it’s not my fault- the blame belongs, righteously enough, to my meddling Roman Catholic mother. She shanghaied me into joining her Bible Study group. My mother, a supposedly saintly and peaceable soul, blindsided me with a Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1133066699110079732005-11-26T22:38:00.000-06:002005-11-26T22:44:59.126-06:00Wednesday, September 21, 2005Dear Army Guys,Happy Last Day of summer to one and all! I’m certain you are much relieved to see the last of the summer of 2005. Let it pass now and forever into history. Be proud of yourselves and the progress you have made. Wear clean socks and watch out for those TV bombs. I read about them in Newsweek Magazine. Those things can actually jump at you from the Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1129168633557802152005-10-12T20:52:00.000-05:002005-10-24T20:20:21.626-05:00Thursday, March 10, 2005Dear Robby,Stacey says you had a great vacation together in Savannah. I’m so glad! I am, however, disappointed in the Day’s Inn employee, Myrna. I sent her explicit instructions to arrange the box of stuff in an artful and appealing way. Stacey said the box was just sort of left on a table. That justifies my policy of avoiding hotels that don’t offer room service. That’s Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1128825973187498552005-10-08T21:40:00.000-05:002005-10-08T21:49:03.703-05:00Thursday, August 18, 2005Dear Army Guys,I have returned to the land of the living. I have emerged from my cocoon of late-summer entropy and I have begun acting like a productive citizen again.On Monday I reported for lunch lady duty and unpacked and reorganized our school kitchen. I did this nearly single-handedly since Ann had a doctor’s appointment and Ethel, our boss, is a wizened old lady of Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1128310796931595162005-10-02T22:33:00.000-05:002005-10-02T22:39:56.943-05:00July 6, 2005Dear Army Guys,July 4th was FANTASTIC! Dylan and I marched in the Champaign-Urbana Independence Day parade on behalf of families of deployed soldiers. My lovely and charming daughter-in-law, Stacey, did a wonderful job organizing the 2-130th FRG parade contingent. She secured our spot in the parade, organized our members, and made sure I understood that I would not be allowed to Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1127525115482166132005-09-23T20:22:00.000-05:002005-09-23T20:25:15.493-05:00Tuesday, August 02, 2005Dear Army Guys, My thirteen year-old son is suddenly a fan of the ancient heavy metal rock band known as “Iron Maiden.” Just last year he was into that adorably cute child singer, Nick Carter. How, you might well ask, does a charmingly innocent boy like Dylan become the type of person who makes devil signs with his hands while banging his head to the musical stylings of Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1125092046043850662005-08-26T16:32:00.000-05:002005-08-26T16:34:06.053-05:00Thursday, June 23, 2005Dear Robby,Check out the buxom medieval boob maiden in the photo above. She was just one of the many fascinating sights we were able to see at the annual Medieval Faire at beautiful Jubilee State Park near Galesburg this past Saturday. The Medieval Faire is one of our favorite summer festivals. Every year Rudy, Dylan and I eagerly await the June weekend on which this Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1123033005756919012005-08-02T20:02:00.000-05:002005-08-02T21:10:42.400-05:00March 17, 2005Dear Robby,Top o’ the marnin’, Laddie! And a happy St. Patty’s Day to ya, a course!Enough of that Irish rot. No offense to our ancestors, but I don’t like corned beef, cabbage gives me gas, and I think it’s unsanitary to kiss a Blarney stone without first washing it with Lysol. And I really hate that Irish music they sometimes play at trendy Chicago pubs. You'd have to be drunk Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1122700265206586052005-07-30T00:08:00.000-05:002005-07-30T00:11:05.213-05:00Thursday, June 30, 2005Dear Army Guys,Alas, Li’l Stupid Bird is gone, just as I was beginning to get attached to the little fella. Both he and Stupid Mama Bird were there this morning, but when I went to check on them early this afternoon the basket was empty. As I stood there, gazing into my empty nest, I had a mental vision of Stupid Mama Bird tenderly coaxing Li’l Stupid Bird to stretch his Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1121824612333329062005-07-19T20:54:00.000-05:002005-07-19T20:56:52.343-05:00Wednesday, June 29, 2005Dear Army Guys,Quick, look down! Are you wearing clean socks? I hope so. Foot fungus is nothing to fool around with, you know. Rudy has some sort of toenail disease that causes his toenails to look flaky and brittle in addition to their usual gnarly appearance. I told him to get some of that Lamasil I’ve seen advertised in magazines, but he ignores my medical advice Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1120862002016519482005-07-08T17:29:00.000-05:002005-07-08T17:34:07.153-05:00Dear Army Guys,I noticed something disturbing last night when I put on the Tinkerbell pajamas I purchased on our recent visit to Disney World. Tinkerbell looks an awful lot like a young Hillary Clinton. I know you’re probably saying, “Get OUT, she does not!” Well, she does, and unfortunately once you’ve noticed the remarkable similarity you can’t unnoticed it. Here, take a look for yourself:(Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1119841628058273042005-06-26T22:05:00.000-05:002005-06-26T22:25:52.953-05:00Wednesday, June 15, 2005Dear Rob,I feel kind of sorry for Jessica Lynch. Not just because she got ambushed and run over by a truck, although getting ambushed and run over by trucks is on nobody’s list of fun things to do in the desert. Still, it might be even worse having everyone call you a war hero when you know full well you’re just not very good at following directions. And what can she do Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1119332396634478072005-06-21T00:22:00.000-05:002005-07-08T17:33:44.390-05:00Thursday, June 16, 2005Dear Army Guys,Yesterday morning I stood in the doorway of Dylan’s room and asked him point blank if he’s the laziest person in the world. He considered the question for a moment and then replied,“No, cuz there’s Charles. Charles doesn’t even get up until, like, nine o-clock in the morning.”Charles, whom Dylan had just thrown under the parental comparison bus, happened to Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1118716829241469502005-06-13T21:36:00.000-05:002005-06-13T21:40:29.246-05:00(photo of stupid bird inhanging flower basketon our front porch)Wednesday, June 8, 2005Dear Army Guys,Can you believe this stupid mourning dove is living in a hanging flower basket? It moved in about a week after I hung the basket; didn’t even bother to fake like it built a nest. Just plopped down and promptly laid two cute little eggs. Now it sits in there 24/7 and only flies away if I Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1117857344656397472005-06-03T22:35:00.000-05:002005-06-03T22:59:25.863-05:00April 6, 2005Dear Robby,I know you’re as devastated about the death of Pope John Paul II as I am. (You are- you just don’t realize it yet.) I draped the hallway mirror in a black crepe (see photo, enclosed) in mourning. I will remove the crepe when I see white smoke coming out of the chimney of the Sistine Chapel announcing that a new pope has been elected. Then I, like everyone else, will talk Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1115263474624667542005-05-04T21:48:00.000-05:002005-05-04T22:24:34.716-05:00January 14, 2005Dear Rob,Rudy was very excited to hear about your Gracie jujitsu class. He wants to know which of the Gracie’s showed up to teach it. I told him it was probably not an actual Gracie, but he insists it might have been somebody named “Renzo.” If it is Renzo, and you have an opportunity, get an autograph for Rudy. He’s a huge Gracie fan. In my opinion, the best strategy for Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1113532303232571892005-04-14T21:23:00.000-05:002005-04-14T21:43:11.813-05:00My Review ofTHE VAGINA MONOLOGUESThis past February my husband, Rudy, and I ventured forth from our exurban middle class neighborhood to see the Illinois State University production of The Vagina Monologues. I had seen an ad for the show in the local newspaper and decided it was high time we found out what all the hoopla was about. Perhaps this was an opportunity for us to get in touch with our Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1110660331267209082005-03-12T14:43:00.000-06:002005-03-20T22:09:35.400-06:00Monday, February 28, 2005Dear Army Guys,I hope you have a productive and successful field training experience. Please keep ever in mind that your own attitude will have more impact on your chance of success than almost anything else.I truly believe it’s my attitude that makes me such a fabulous Lunch Lady. No, really, the kids all say I am the “nice” Lunch Lady. (Ann, my friend and co-worker, is Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1110416316251693752005-03-09T18:53:00.000-06:002005-03-09T18:58:36.253-06:00February 16, 2005Dear Rob,Wake the neighbors and phone the media. Your little brother has officially hit puberty at the tender age of 12 ½. His voice is changing. I’ve noticed the difference for a couple of months now, but I didn’t really take it in. I sort of ignored it. I noticed it in a vague, inattentive way. If I thought about it at all, it was something like, “Oh, Dylan’s voice is Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1109883712056141772005-03-03T14:58:00.000-06:002005-03-03T15:05:43.190-06:00February 25, 2005Dear Army Guys,I spend a lot of time wondering what you guys are doing at Fort Stewart, GA.I can clearly picture groups of about a dozen of you running to and fro while wearing heavy backpacks and sweating copiously. I see you climbing massively constructed timber ladders that lead nowhere but up. I imagine you driving around in doorless humvees which leave choking plumes of red Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1109371320358437642005-02-25T16:35:00.000-06:002005-02-25T16:57:37.043-06:00Friday, February 25, 2005Dear Army Guys,Just as I sat down to write to you, I got a very strange telephone call. It was the damnedest thing. It went exactly like this:Phone: Ring! Ring!Me: Hello?Man on phone: Yeah, do you have a digital microscope camera?Me: No. I have a digital camera, but not a microscope.Man: Well this would be a device that can be hooked up to a computer so you can Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1109210026831463752005-02-23T19:51:00.000-06:002005-02-23T19:59:08.996-06:00February 11, 2005Dear Rob,I have somehow convinced Rudy to accompany me to a performance of “The Vagina Monologues” at Braden Auditorium this weekend. (He probably thinks sexy women in see-through panties are part of the show.) I’m not entirely sure what goes on in “The Vagina Monologues” but, it being a feminist thing, I doubt there’s any see-through underwear involved.I told Rudy it will be Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1107840610489638972005-02-07T23:19:00.000-06:002005-02-07T23:30:10.490-06:00February 3, 2005
Dear Rob,
I’m so sorry you won’t be here to witness my debut as a member of the clergy this Sunday! It is finally my turn to serve as usher at 10:00 AM mass. I haven’t had any official training, but I’ve been carefully watching the ushers every Sunday, so I think I can handle the job.
In fact, I’m nearly certain I can increase the collection proceeds. I noticed that the Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1107378359413161632005-02-02T15:01:00.000-06:002005-02-02T15:19:25.380-06:00January 21, 2005
Dear Rob & Buddies,
Yesterday my friendly neighborhood maven, Ann, informed me that Ramen noodles were on sale at Ghetto Kroger at $2.00 a case. That’s .083 cents per package! I bought two cases for you & your guys. I’ll include them in your care packages. I certainly hope you have access to boiling hot water! I’m fairly certain Ramen noodles are not something you’d want to eatArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1106934965765800442005-01-28T11:53:00.000-06:002005-01-28T11:58:29.390-06:00Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Dear Rob & Buddies,
I had to stay home from my exciting and lucrative job as a Lunch Lady today. I have a dreadful case of conjunctivitis (pinkeye) in my left eye. It itches, weeps, and constantly oozes a sticky fluid. It’s been doing this for days with no sign of stopping. It is red, irritated, and in general looks like a bloody mess. I went to the Doc-in-a-Box on Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1106675809115000622005-01-25T11:52:00.000-06:002005-01-25T12:00:40.770-06:00January 20, 2005
Dear Robby,
HAPPY INAUGURATION DAY!
(Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. Literally.)
It’s probably for the best that President & Mrs. Bush forgot to invite me to the inaugural ball this year. (I’m sure it was just an oversight, and I hope they manage to have a good time without me.) I am exhibiting symptoms of a new and different illness.
Nobody cares, though. I think Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1106351567971902882005-01-21T17:15:00.000-06:002005-01-21T17:52:47.970-06:00UPDATE 2005- Back to IraqTo bring Plucky Letters up to date, here's a portion of an Illinois newspaper article featuring my son, the Army medic.
From the Decatur Herald & Review:
Sending off the soldiers
By Huey Freeman, H&R Staff Writer
January 8, 2005
URBANA- Sgt. Robert M_____ was put through some hard tests when he served as a medic with the Army's 101st Airborne Division during the first Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1106025186333848572005-01-17T23:03:00.000-06:002005-01-18T20:28:20.390-06:00January 17, 2005
Dear Rob & Buddies,
Yesterday Rudy and I took Katie (my niece) out for breakfast after church. We always enjoy dining out with Katie because she is a nine-year-old curmudgeon.
Nothing is sacred to Katie. We were at Circuit City the other day and she wandered off, so Rudy went looking for her. He found her standing in front of the video cameras watching herself stick her own Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1106024264572510972005-01-17T22:56:00.000-06:002005-01-17T22:57:44.573-06:00My niece, Katie, tells the story of her friendship with a celebrity:
My Tale of Shamu
By Katie
(As told to Aunt Madge)
I, personally, know a celebrity. I mean PERSONALLY. I met Shamu, the famous whale, in Orlando, Florida.
On our family vacation in Orlando, my parents took us to Sea World. And they all had a diarrhea attack and had to go to the bathroom at the same timeArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1102812627927701982004-12-11T18:49:00.000-06:002004-12-11T18:51:48.733-06:00From about this time last year...
December 3, 2003
Dear Army Guys,
My son, Rob, the former 101st Airborne medic, veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom, is now out of the Army. At least until his National Guard unit is called up, which I fear will happen any minute now. He arrived home yesterday with a U-haul and a smile. I am pleased to tell you he spent a good half hour of quality time with meArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1100153920563026642004-11-11T01:11:00.000-06:002004-11-11T00:18:40.563-06:00Friday, October 17, 2003
Dear Justin,
How are you? Do you have enough Kool-aid, Ramen and Men’s Health magazines? (Those are the things Rob told me you like.) If you have any special requests, be sure to write back and let me know.
Our cat is driving me crazy tonight. She is a big fat thing. She’s huge, actually. Only her head is regulation cat-size. Her name is Mama Cat, which is Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1099713601728556192004-11-05T21:58:00.000-06:002004-11-05T22:00:01.726-06:00August 14, 2003
Dear Rob & Buddies,
I took Dylan to the dreaded Wal-Mart today for Back-To-School supplies.
We took our 5th grade list in hand and bravely entered the Back-To-School area of that massive and misarranged store. I was distressed to find the aisles crowded with many other Wal-Mart shoppers. Most of them appeared to be 37 year-old grandparents of loudly misbehaving children Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1097896419002492682004-10-15T22:12:00.001-05:002004-10-27T15:11:34.343-05:00An email from a new but dear friend convinced me to dig up this not-so-plucky letter and post it here today. I never thought I would do that because, frankly, I'm ashamed of this letter.
(Which is why I will now fall all over myself trying to explain the emotions that caused me to write it in the first place, hoping you- whoever you are- will still love me after you read it.)
Staying behind to Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1097636874770942172004-10-12T22:07:00.000-05:002004-10-27T15:15:08.293-05:00November 14, 2003
Dear 101st Airborne Heroes,
Tomorrow Rudy and I will visit his Mexican mother. To be honest, I find these visits a bit difficult.
I tend to sit around trying hard to look amused/sympathetic/interested while my mother-in-law rambles on in Spanish- a language I sadly do not happen to speak- about events that seem to have taken place forty years ago. Despite the language barrierArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1097380780893834062004-10-09T22:59:00.000-05:002004-10-28T18:56:16.233-05:00November 10, 2003
Dear One Hundred and Thirst Airflung Heroes,
Happy Veteran’s Day to you,
Happy Veteran’s Day Brave Vet-er-ans!
Happy Veteran’s Day to you!
It is 8:30 PM on a Monday and my eleven year old son, Dylan, is playing games on his computer. I can tell because every few minutes he yells, “Awwrrgh!” Then there is a ferocious flurry of keyboard strokes. Then he yells, “Awwrrgh!” again.Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1097210221793975602004-10-07T22:56:00.000-05:002004-10-08T10:17:41.253-05:0010/7/2004
Dear Charlie and Buddies,
My dear friend and fellow lunch lady has a teenaged son embarking on the potentially humbling task of applying to (begging) various colleges to accept him as a student and give him lots of much-needed grants and financial handouts. This is no small task, given the fierce competition presented by utterly ruthless baby-boomer parents, who will do nothing short Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1096853440448518972004-10-03T20:29:00.000-05:002004-10-03T20:30:40.446-05:00Sunday, October 3, 2004
Dear Charlie,
Hello! I got your new APO from your mother. Thought you might like to know what’s going on here in exotic Illinois.
Well, I’ve been staring at the screen thinking it over for several minutes now and it seems there is nothing going on here in exotic Illinois. As those cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys in France like to say: the more things change; the Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1096497754988684512004-09-29T17:35:00.000-05:002004-09-29T17:42:34.990-05:00Friday, March 7, 2003
Dear Rob,
It’s Friday night and the thrill of the evening was watching While You Were Out on TLC. Then I got a smoking lecture from Rudy, whom I shall refer to as “Mr. Perfect” from this point forward. I am seriously considering adding nicotine to his food somehow so that he will share my addiction. I worry about getting fat from quitting. Look what happened to Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1095821336524055782004-09-21T21:13:00.000-05:002004-09-21T21:49:57.743-05:00Found this crabby letter in the files and decided to include it here for posterity.
I was probably suffering PMS (Patriot's Mother Syndrome) and ran out of Xanax.
Monday July 14, 2003
Dear Rob,
Today is Grandma’s 60th birthday. Taking her out for lunch yesterday and giving her the (stupid) Spa package was not sufficient. (told ya) She was clearly disappointed by the gift and immediately Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1077071111990348752004-02-17T20:25:00.000-06:002004-02-17T20:27:07.060-06:00Army Guys
One Hundred and Thirst Airflung
Boondocks, Iraq 09325
October, 2003
Dear Guys,
The grade school wherein I am employed 4 hours a day as a Lunch Lady is in utter chaos. We have a new principal, Mrs. H_. She seems oblivious to the simple fact that many of her students are hardened criminals intent upon wreaking all kinds of havoc and making my life a personal hell. Mrs. H_ says, “Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1075947153947347982004-02-04T20:12:00.000-06:002004-02-04T20:17:00.513-06:00October 30, 2003
Dear Army Guys,
Mark you calendars! Tomorrow will be the first Halloween in 22 years that I have NOT had to go trick-or-treating! Dylan, my youngest child, is now old enough to be allowed to cavort with his fellows amid the neighborhood unescorted by Mom!
FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, I’M FREE AT LAST!!!
I have come to detest Trick-or-Treating. Okay, Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1075500367309596462004-01-30T16:06:00.000-06:002004-01-30T16:07:43.686-06:00December 24, 2003
Dear 101st Airborne Heroes,
It’s Christmas Eve! Santa is on his way! I heard on the radio that Santa is using a Blackhawk helicopter instead of the sleigh this year, just to show whose side he’s on. I’d thought it was obvious- the man is dressed in red & white and has twinkling blue eyes. He speaks English and gives stuff away for free to people who don’t even deserve it.Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1074534488014376522004-01-19T11:48:00.000-06:002004-01-19T11:49:32.840-06:00Friday, August 29, 2003
Dear Rob & Buddies,
We’re all back to school and it is just as hellish as last year, maybe more. At Bent School, the west side grade school where I work, the “Behavior Disordered” kids have grown in size and number. There are several new ones who have not been civilized at all yet. They are quite clearly the prison inmates of tomorrow and they make last year’s BDs Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1074042935865989162004-01-13T19:15:00.000-06:002004-01-13T19:16:55.356-06:00Friday, August 15, 2003
Dear Rob,
You may have heard that yesterday America had the biggest power blackout ever in the history of mankind. Frankly, I hardly noticed it, once I got the word that it wasn’t a terrorist attack. Today, Dylan and I heard that one poor woman was trapped in a Detroit elevator for 18 hours. We wonder if she had to pee. Worse, what if she had to go Big Potty? YikesArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1072890038262196512003-12-31T11:00:00.000-06:002003-12-31T11:01:44.733-06:00April 24, 2003
Dear Rob,
Ann, who works at school with me, is a baby boomer. She’s always getting herself involved in these manic projects, such as a church mission trip to supposedly help needy people in New York this summer. (They are there for four days, and it’s really just a fun way to show well-off Methodist kids what it means to be poor. But, whatever.) Anyway, now she is thinking ofArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1072292597606179162003-12-24T13:03:00.000-06:002003-12-24T13:04:17.233-06:00Tuesday, December 9, 2003
Dear Army Guys,
MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I am guessing you all celebrate Christmas, but maybe not, so…
HAPPY CHANUKAH!! JOYOUS KWANZA!! SUPER RAMADON!!
PEACEFUL MITHRA!! FABULOUS ATHEISM!!!
I am an equal-opportunity well-wisher. Enjoy your choice of our many fine holiday options.
I must confess that there is a possibility your gifts will be late. I know, I know,Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1071804142615957402003-12-18T21:22:00.000-06:002003-12-18T21:23:16.500-06:00
Here's a real oldie from Rob's training days at Ft. Sam Houston:
11/9/99
Dear Robby,
How’s the weather in San Antonio? It’s gorgeous here- 73 degrees today. Very unusual. How are the classes going? What are you learning?
Everyone here is just fine. Dylan can’t adjust to the change from daylight savings time to standard time. Every evening he asks what time Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1071273768027643792003-12-12T18:02:00.000-06:002003-12-26T09:50:24.233-06:00Wednesday July 16, 2003
Dear Rob,
How I Am Spending My Summer Vacation
By Mom
My brother-in-law and I decided, since he is working nights and I am working not at all (outside the home for financial rewards, anyway) that we should support one another in our child care duties. So Dave signed us up for a Family Pass to the Normal Parks and Recreation “Aquatic Centers.” (they don’t call them Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1070501560483352392003-12-03T19:32:00.000-06:002003-12-03T19:36:17.513-06:00April 21, 2003
Dear Charlie & Buddies,
On Friday night another carpenter came over to look at our basement. This one's name is, get this, Hoagie. (don't ask me, I don't know his mother!) I was not allowed to participate this time. Rudy doesn't trust me to behave myself due to my overly-enthusiastic performance when Carpenter Josh was here. Tonight, I was confined to the bedroom.
I'm Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1070335531027919992003-12-01T21:25:00.000-06:002003-12-03T18:29:49.466-06:00Easter Sunday, 2003
Dear Rob,
Hoppy Easter! (Hop hop hop!) Don’t forget, I am the Easter Bunny. You said so yourself. When you were about 5 years old some “big kid” in the neighborhood told you “The Easter Bunny is your MOM, stupid.” You found this to be a thrilling revelation. Your ran around telling all the other kids “My mom is the Easter Bunny, and she’s going to come to your house Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1069730682409224942003-11-24T21:24:00.000-06:002003-11-25T19:28:50.716-06:00Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Dear 101st Airborne Guys,
I’ve been worrying about you guys lately. Are you eating enough? Are you warm enough? Are you taking vitamin supplements? (Well, don’t! I read that those vitamin supplements can actually damage your liver.) Eat a wide variety of fresh foods and you won’t need any vitamin supplements. Avoid anything “lite” or “low-fat.” It’s fake foodArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1069293307711538342003-11-19T19:55:00.000-06:002003-11-19T19:55:32.263-06:00May 23, 2003
Dear Rob,
This morning I sent you a box of stuff to give to the local children. Ethel donated a lot of prize items the food companies provide to school lunch programs. Pencils, pencil cases, key rings, change purses, that sort of thing.
My favorites are the “Got Milk?” zipper-pulls. They say “Milk. The All-American Drink!” You gotta love the idea of 100 kids running around Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-106886485021401922003-11-14T20:54:00.000-06:002003-11-14T21:12:31.076-06:00Monday, July 21, 2003
Dear Rob,
Yesterday Rudy and I took your truck out on a country drive, just to keep it in good shape. We drove it all over the county visiting little cemeteries. That’s our hobby- we like to visit out-of-the-way cemeteries and look at all the gravestones. It’s really interesting because you have to try to guess at why people died, what their lives were like, and what Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1068688186750277212003-11-12T19:49:00.000-06:002003-11-12T19:50:11.480-06:00(Here's an oldie from Rob's Korean tour of duty...)
December 26, 2001
Dear Rob,
I’ve been thinking about your recent interest in the social sciences
I think it’s important to keep ever in mind that sticking the words “social” and “science” together might not have been an entirely accurate way of expressing what all those psychologists, sociologists and various other “ists” are doing. CommonArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1068515360791845422003-11-10T19:49:00.000-06:002003-11-10T19:49:17.926-06:00September 13, 2003
Dear Rob,
Our basement remodel is coming along. We work on it almost every day. Actually, Rudy works on it almost every day. Personally, I find that smearing joint compound into drywall crevices doesn't meet my requirements for personal fulfillment quite as well as Lifetime Television for Women.
Josh, our carpenter, works like a squirrel. He runs around like crazy, Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1068089379553636232003-11-05T21:29:00.000-06:002003-11-05T21:31:01.816-06:00October 8, 2003
Dear Captain S.,
Thank you SO MUCH for the wonderful Certificate of Appreciation you sent. It is absolutely thrilling! I LOVE IT! I framed it and I have been showing it off to all my friends and family. I have moved it three times already, from the family room to the dining room to the library. I’m just not sure where to place it to receive maximum exposure.
Initially,Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1067565175535125132003-10-30T19:52:00.000-06:002003-10-30T19:52:54.886-06:00Monday August 4, 2003
Dear Charlie & Buddies,
I hope all is well and you are healthy, wealthy and wise. I hope you’ve had some time to do something different once in awhile. All work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy. And crabby. Everyone needs a hobby, however temporary or situational.
Personally, I've been busy cluttering up our yard with junk. I have lawn ornaments now, due to Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1067388570509729422003-10-28T18:49:00.000-06:002003-10-28T18:51:21.020-06:00Wednesday July 23, 2003
Dear Rob & Buddies,
My husband, Rudy the Mexican, claims to have a better tan than I. Mind you, for the past month I have been taking kids to the pool nearly every day while he has been hanging out in our basement finishing drywall. (Jeez, how Mexican can you get??)
I have spent a considerable amount of my summer mastering the art of reading a magazine in such a wayArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1067046563742430252003-10-24T20:49:00.000-05:002003-10-24T20:58:26.970-05:00Thursday July 24, 2003
Dear Rob,
Today our intrepid little family attended an Industrial Tool Sale at the Bloomington Sale Barn. I have no idea why we did this- it must have been the seductive Industrial Tool Sale flyer that came in the mail.
TWO DAYS ONLY!
THURSDAY AND FRIDAY, JULY 24TH & 25TH!
FREE ADMISSION!
We’ve been looking forward to it all week. The flyer contained items of all Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1066860933733667482003-10-22T17:15:00.000-05:002003-10-22T17:18:02.480-05:00Saturday April 12, 2003
Dear Rob,
Today was beautiful and sunny, which means all the homeowners in central Illinois got to work on their yards. Rudy mowed and fertilized the lawn. I am the luckless individual who trimmed the bushes and “edged” the landscape bricks. My rough estimate is that there are about 100 miles of brick edging surrounding our flower beds and shrubbery. I crawled alongArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1066704618920311792003-10-20T21:50:00.000-05:002003-10-20T22:15:48.680-05:00Friday, June 27 2003
Dear Rob,
I just got your letter dated May 21!! I get very excited about mail from you. Any letters from you put the mailman at great risk of getting hugged and kissed by me. I actually think our mailman is more fearful of me than of the neighbor's dog. (Which is unfair since, unlike the dog, I have NEVER humped the mailman's leg.)
I've been thinking about your crowd Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1066259358533255782003-10-15T18:09:00.000-05:002003-10-15T18:09:18.636-05:00Thursday, August 21, 2003
Dear Rob & Buddies,
What I learned on our End-of-Summer Family Trip to exotic Branson, Missouri
By Mom
1. Driving from Bloomington, Illinois to Branson, Missouri takes a very long time and should be against the law.
2. Branson, Missouri is supposedly the number 2 vacation hot spot in America, just behind Orlando, Florida. I have no idea why this might be true, Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1065752314956646362003-10-09T21:18:00.000-05:002003-10-09T21:23:34.413-05:00August 25, 2003
Dear Captain S.,
My son, who shall remain nameless due to the fact that he DOES NOT want me to write to you, mentioned that if you had my email address you might send me some photos. That would be great.
The Son Who Shall Remain Nameless keeps writing, "DON’T WRITE TO ANYONE OVER HERE BUT ME!" Do you think he’s been stricken with chronic paranoia? I mean, it’s not as if I Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1065488206500111242003-10-06T19:56:00.000-05:002003-10-06T20:02:14.603-05:00Tuesday June 24, 2003
Dear Rob,
Nothing has happened since last I wrote. I mean that literally. Okay, yeah, I did the first installment of BIG CLEANING WEEK, but it really doesn’t change much of anything. Although I did discover that I tend to pack kitchen drawers full of items I don’t need or want. As I fish them out and release them to that great garbage dump downstream, I wonder “Why doArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1065237638563555032003-10-03T22:20:00.000-05:002003-10-20T22:20:11.583-05:00March 21, 2003
Dear Pres. Bush,
Robby will not be able to attend the war today. He isn’t feeling well, and I have decided to keep him home.
--Robby’s Mom
Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1064357789719976612003-09-23T17:56:00.000-05:002003-09-23T18:33:05.620-05:00Friday June 20, 2003
Dear Rob & Buddies,
Anybody need anything? I read in an article that your living conditions are still not optimal. Do you even get hot food yet? Showers? Do you get to watch CNN or Fox News? I hope so. Wouldn’t want you to miss out on the intricate maneuverings in the Laci Peterson case. (Everytime I see that crap I want to throw something at the TV. I don’t want toArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1063933555286570122003-09-18T20:05:00.000-05:002003-09-18T20:33:16.050-05:00June 12, 2003
Dear Charlie & Buddies,
I am sorry to inform you that I did NOT win $10,000 of free furniture in a contest I recently should have won. I think the whole deal was rigged. Also, I wrote a complaint letter to the management of Leath Furniture regarding the outrageous outfit worn by their employee, Christy. She had on a red polyester top so low-cut and clingy as to be a virtual Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1063829911535228432003-09-17T15:18:00.000-05:002003-09-17T15:23:37.610-05:00April 10, 2003
Dear Rob,
There’s a website called “GI Jargon” that I was visiting today. It’s pretty funny. Ever heard of “Fort Livingroom?” That’s where you want to ETS to next. In the Australian army, medics are called “Scab-Lifters.” UK Signal Corps guys are called “Bleeps.” Also in the UK, inbred retarded fuckers are called “Ruperts.” As in, “Get your fourth point of contact down, Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1063674299652202502003-09-15T20:04:00.000-05:002003-09-16T18:53:44.436-05:00(This is an oldie- I sent it along with a package of thermal underwear to Rob when he was stationed in South Korea.)
December 12, 2001
Dear Rob,
Enclosed are the Thermalwear undergarments you requested. While it is doubtful that you can look as absurd as the guy modeling these garments on the front of the package, I’m certain you will do your best.
Simply follow these easy, step-by-step Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1063411401388664862003-09-12T19:03:00.000-05:002003-09-16T18:56:30.120-05:00April 17, 2003
Dear Rob,
I realize the fighting has diminished and you have won the war. But don’t let your guard down. There are still dangerous creepy Saddam loyalists lurking in the shadows. Keep ever in mind that they have nothing to lose and you have everything to lose. They have no future, whereas your future is stretching out before you like a red carpet of opportunity. These Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1063312941270326192003-09-11T15:42:00.000-05:002003-09-11T16:06:41.186-05:00Tuesday July 22, 2003
Dear Captain S,
I am an Army Mom. My son, SPC Rob M, is a medic in your unit. I am writing to express to you and your men the respect, gratitude, and pride we here at home feel for all of you.
Despite the deprivations of war, you continue to carry out your missions with genuine honor and dignity. You have conducted yourselves with a grace and poise this nation has Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1063230918809615942003-09-10T16:55:00.000-05:002003-09-10T20:22:43.346-05:00April 1, 2003
Dear Rob,
Happy April Fool’s Day! (You’ve got something on your shirt.)
I have a special treat for you today, which I will put at the end of this letter. It is WAY cute and WAY good. You’ll love it, and I suggest you share it with your buddies, because it is priceless.
Being a Lunch-Lady on April Fools day is a trip. I can’t count the number of times a small child pointed atArmy Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1062983944872671472003-09-07T20:19:00.000-05:002003-09-07T20:33:08.846-05:00Monday June 23, 2003
Dear Charlie & Buddies,
I hope all is well and you are healthy, secure and comfortable. I’m sending hugs to you & all the guys in your unit. Tell everyone we are very, very proud of you and the One Hundred and Thirst Airflung. We want you all to come home safe & soon.
Yesterday my husband Rudy and I went to the Medieval Faire at Jubilee College State Park near Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5777561.post-1062910117927093182003-09-06T23:48:00.000-05:002003-09-07T16:34:57.323-05:00Thursday, August 7, 2003
Dear Rob,
I keep getting email from people saying I should blog. Should I blog? I don’t think I’m cool enough to blog. I mean, doesn’t a blogger have to live in the artsy district of a large city, have many interchangeable boyfriends, and hang out at trendy nightspots drinking cosmopolitans? Don’t bloggers generally know what constitutes a dirty martini? Do you Army Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01324562842161447255noreply@blogger.com0